realization

can anyone tell me on a way to let go of something that u have hold onto for so long. no way i m letting go. not that i have a choice. i mean i have a choice. just that my brain dun wan to work that way.. i have no self control. it has its own mind. i m no longer that person i think i am. the more i think of it, the more depressed i get. so the only escape is to not think about it and being a liar to myself. oh whatever!!!

on to the happy side, i like my working enviroment now. everyone is getting along so well but there's only one thing i hate in my department now which is i have to freaking walk 20 times up to the ward and back to the office. damn tiring. forget the heels and watever shit. just wear the most confortable shoe and outfit u can find. the ward is damn hot. ishh...anyhow, i like the work there. there's so many things to teach the patient. sometimes the things they do can make u vomit blood. therefore my job is to teach them till they get the msg i m trying to convey to their head. they might even get nitemare thinking of me nagging there but who cares. its for their own good. if i m to do a bad job there, i m sure i m gonna see their face again in a couple of weeks time. therefore add to my workload. its better to counsel them till they are like expert and then only discharged. that is wat i think best for them but because the lack of beds in the hospital, there's no choice but to believe that they can follow instructions. i tell u not many ppl can follow instructions very well. even myself, i got problem with compliance. hahaha.

anyway, went to my cousin wedding dinner yesterday. i got the 'when did u come back' question like from 20 or so people. this is how all the conversations go.

family: hey!! u r backk!!! when did u come back?? *eyes wide open when see me*
me: august..
family: wuahhh..4 months already!! *in disbelief*
me: yeah..quite long since i m back.
family: so wat have u been doing? work?
me: yeah..work.
family: where?
me: kulim.
family: KULIM??!! everyday drive la. *eyes wide open again*
me: yeah..
family: kulim where?
me: hospital..
family: ouuu goverment? how much they pay u??
me: around RM**** *thinking y it always end up with the salary*

imagine repeating and getting almost the same questions from 20 different ppl. the weird part was ending it with the salary question. must be nobody in my family ever work with the goverment. i m the 1st to work for them. lol!! everyone is curious on how much they pay me.

this past few days made me really sad. there are things that we never tot will happen. the news came to me in an unexpected way. i was sadden by it because i knew wat is coming next and wat will soon happen. helpless is wat makes ppl frustrated and sad. there's nothing i can do to help but to pray for the best and hopefully some miracles will happen. have faith and be strong. it is one person's battle afterall. i hope everyone start appreciating the ppl around them before its too late. regret is something u will remember for life. so try avoiding it and do ur part. treat the ppl around u as nice as possible cos u will never know wat will happen to them tommoro.