gotta get a grip man~

today went shopping again..huh..i think i am in deep trouble..damn..1 week shop 3 to 4 times..everytime spent so much..so dead!!..i m addicted to shopping..argh..~ should find another hobby n place to hang out other than in a shopping mall.. i m so broke..but i dunno y i still can buy stuff..i was spending like 10 times over my allowance..n i still can buy..how??!! by credit card..i m owing the bank so much money..i must get a grip of my damn life..

reflect back n dig deep down in me y m i so addicted in shopping..the reasons..well a lot..1st it can take ur mind off on all the problems in ur mind that dun seem to go away..2nd it makes u happy cos u r rewarding urself by buying things..3rd it make u feels good on urself..i mean if u shop for clothes..4th the place is full of ppl..which somehow make u dun feel so lonely eventhough u r with frenz that time..it juz make u blend well in the society..haha..now i really understand y ppl who juz broke up always shop till they drop..

ok neway..today pacific got sale again..it is member's day..so anyhow have to get my lazy butt there..if not i will regret..kekkee.bought a blouse and a jacket..they really looks good on me..but my 100++ bucks gone..sob sob~..have to remind myself i m broke..broke broke broke..if not i kept forgeting n continue buying..oh yeah..on the way to the hyper..saw steven..really shock me a bit..but i was damn happy to see him..this guy change a lot..damn 'yeng' now..i guess aus really change his image n make him more mature..but still so frenly n crazee..wakakaka..the place was so noisy n crowded..we were like shouting to each other..really 2 crazy freak there..

oh yeah..i found out today that there were lots n lots of problem i din solve in my life..n i wont wanna solve it..really pain in the ass..everytime when facing a big problem that is very complicated and painful..i will try to solve it at 1st..when i failed..i m juz gonna runaway from the prob n try to ignore it..when the same prob rise again..i found there were fear in me..n i juz kept on running away..ignoring every single prob..which rise more prob later in life..so there will always be prob in my life..but that is wat makes life interesting..every prob that i solve will onli make me stronger in life..n it also makes me wanna live more..but then..i wondered wat if someday the prob keep piling up..n the rate of me solving them is slower than the problem coming in..n i cant take it anymore bcos its so painful..wat would i do?!! i heard from a wise guy..saying that 'all problem can be solve..if u can't solve it then runaway'..wat if i cant runaway that time..would i turn to suicide??..oh yeah..psychologist always say that if u have tot of suicide once..u will constantly tot of it when u r facing problems..n i dunno wether this is a tot or not..if yes then i m in deep shit..if no..thank god..

i m going insane..my face doesnt show wats in my heart..my heart ache so much..i juz dunno wat to do to make it go away..try frenz..yup..relief a while..but it eventually come back..some frenz are worse..my face are all smiles but they cant read my eyes..anyway..i dun blame them..i m ready to party as ever!!..next shopping..take ur mind off when u r finding the item u wan..but the minute u pay for it..the tot came back..party, hang out, crapping, bla bla bla..it doesn't affect anything..still partying hard, hang out hard, crapping hard..as long as there's something to do..then there's no pain..but as soon as i m done with it..the minute i hit the bed..the pain is agonizing..the darkness..the silence of the night..it makes my mind run wild..worse still if it kept hitting the repeating button..hope that everything will turn out fine..i'm looking forward to a wonderful next year..hope this dream will come true..